Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?

Recently divorced and having a hard time. Its almost been a year, Im dating but still love her. I was absolutely faithful for over 20 years. Worked hard and made a good life for the both of us. 3 kids are nearly grown when she starts to get a little crazy. Physical abuse was starting to occur when I wouldnt "walk on eggshells" around her. Our life had never been better. Started running with a very "pretty" crowd and before I know it, 6 months later she is admitting to me that she had been having sex with this guy while I was at work. She had ended it and expected me to forgive her. We instead divorced a year or so later, the details, her comparing me negatively to her lover when she was angry, all this was more than I could take. I am now having misgivings. I read things that tellme I should have "worked on it" and "it can be better". Was I wrong to divorce this woman for doing this in that much of my anger was placed on the fact that it wasnt once or twice and figure out that its wrong...she kept DOING HIM, over and over. Is this worse? I thought at the time it was, and is it wrong that I miss her? How long has it taken those of you that have been through this to recover? Any help at all on any of these questions is greatly appreciatedIs a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?No, you're not wrong. You feel betrayed and insulted, and at this point you would need to get back to her. I think people say things they don't intend to say by the anger. After you're calm down, maybe your feelings are clearer and you find yourself "miss" her. I hope you will find the way to be able to "forgive" her and have a peace of mind finally, with/without her.Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?
Cheating is a conscious decision to have sex with someone other than your SO. It doesn't matter if it was once, or a hundred times. It was still a poor decision either way.Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?You are not to blame. The fact that you researched this issue and the response that you got "work on it" or "it could be better", is because the advice was written by a nitwit. SHE is the one that was cheating. SHE should have been the one to ask forgiveness after only 1 encounter. You were right to divorce her. When she had sex with him a 2nd time, and so forth, SHE is the one that spit on your marriage, not you. You are culpable to nothing regarding this divorce. She screwed up. NOT YOU. I know, it's hard to give up on something that you had for years. But you have to move on. Grieve if you need to. But do not dare to blame yourself. The time for blame is long gone. If you need a devils advocate, find a local counselor to help you. Otherwise, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, do NOT "pick up the pieces", just MOVE ON.
The divorce is done, don't look back.



When someone abuses you and make you feel like you have the self worth of used op chewing gum, you wonder if anyone else will want you.



Remember that you were faithful and did everything for your family. She screwed some guy and thinks becuase SHE BROKE IT OFF, that gives her a pass? That's BS!



Then she compares you to her lover and expects you to forgive her still? I don't think so.



Could you guys have worked on your marriage? Sure, but there was a time and pace to do it and it was BEFORE getting divorced. She threw away 20 years of marriage, not you. She could have talked to you about the problem s int he marriage, but she decides to get a substitute husband while you were at work.



Move on and be a good father to your kids.Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?If she wanted an open-marriage or wanted things between you to be better she could have and should have come to you first.

She destroyed the marriage.



Accept the emotion that is there and stop trying to wish it away and move on - the sooner you do the less of your life you loose to her.Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?
It doesn't really matter either way- cheating is cheating, and it means the person didn't respect or care enough for you to deny their base urges. If you had stayed together, do you think she would have suddenly stopped cheating? No, because once that line is crossed, it's easier every time.



You said you still love her, well fine- but sometimes that isn't enough. She obviously didn't return those feelings, so you need to move on as best as you can.

Good luck.
if you took her back it would always be your issue of trusting her again, especially with "that" guy being around. after awhile she would go back to acting normal and would not understand why you still couldn't trust her. you did the right thing, trust is almost impossible to get back.Is a one night (or FEW night) stand easier to forgive than something that occurs 20-30 times in a month or 2?
no one can tell you that you made the right or wrong choice.. that's your r/ship your life..

she cheated bottom line, she shared herself with another and if you stayed and pretended nothing happened then you'd be the fool..

and no it's not wrong to miss someone even though they've done you wrong.. 20 yrs is a long time that you spent with someone and it doesn't happen over night that you just forget about them..

you should consider a hobby that takes your mind off of her, hang out with friends, join social clubs.. you know something.. the more you linger on the past the more you'll get stuck..
My friend when you get deep wounds like that you never recover , you just learn to cope with it . The hardest thing is to move on, is so easy to say but hard to follow.Time heels the wound but doesn't take away the scars. I noticed that we always want the people that hurts us the most and sometimes that draws you in.I personally cant ,because of always thinking of the infidelity. But if you can and live with it that will be your choice, forget what people think.If that is what you want good luck buddy . Oh before I forget you are the better man and she is lucky to have you sir , so believe in yourself always
you should probably introduce her to the fat guy that can't get a chick..that's what she deserves