After my one night stand...please help?

It has abdolutely broken my partners heart...and my own for being such a selfish person. Now he has said he is desperate to put it behind him, but he says I need to say the right things to help. I'm sorry, I love you, it will never happen again etc will not do.

He says I need to do something rather than nothing. When he says "you shared all that was special" or "you went elsewhere" or "did he sit here?" in a nasty or sarcastic way, what do I respond? He says if I can respond to those and actually do something rather than just dwindle along, our relationship can be saved because there is love.After my one night stand...please help?He is hurting baby. There's nothing you can say or do... it has to come from him. While he suffers... it is likely that you will too.



You will probably get sick of this behaviour eventually. It will almost drive you away. Sometimes it drives cheaters away completely. This is jeolousy. It is insideous. It is a useless emotion. He needs to rid himself of this poison. I suggest counselling. NOt so much for your sake, but for his.



People are not perfect. Marriage isnt perfect. relationships are not perfect. We have too high an expectation on it and no allowance for foregiveness of such indiscretions. Our society has done this to marriage. These things can be worked through. You both need to stay genuine and openly express your emotions to each other. Counselling will help you both communicate. We dont cheat unless there is something missin gin a relationship... we dont always know what is missing. You need to find out what that is. Resolve it. This will prevent you from cheating again. Otherwise you will just repeat your offence, even though you may now disagree with me... whatever it was that drove you to it, will return, unless you confront it and resolve that issue somehow. Some things cannot be resolved. These take compromise. Just love is not enough.After my one night stand...please help?
tell him you made a stupid mistake...everyone makes mistakes in their lives...After my one night stand...please help?He may not realize it, but staying with someone after they have cheated doesn't mean they love you. It means they don't love themselves. Do him a favor and move on.
This happens too many times every day in our society and it will haunt you for the rest of your days, he may forgive but he will never forget. The trust has been broken. Time is needed because right now, and maybe for some time, he will be reacting to his hurt feelings. The best thing to do is try to rebuild the trust.After my one night stand...please help?I am sorry, I can't help you, you know what you did was wrong, and now you have to figure it out, you were human, you made a mistake, now you have to do whatever you can to mend it, and try to make it better.



And deal with the consequences.After my one night stand...please help?
you want to watch that your partner does not take this apology thing too far. All you can do is say that you have made a terrible mistake, the two of you can put it behind you and move on or he can go on about it so constantly that in the end you are bound to split up. Impress on him that you have made your choice and now he must make his. Before you act b e certain in your heart that he is the one, (after all what made you stray in the first place), it would be terrible to break his heart all over again.
W ow how could you have done this

H ave you any idea what this has done to him?

O mg, hope you didn't do it in the bed that both you share,

R ightfully so it broke his heart,

E ven if you do say the right thing he'll never trust you again.After my one night stand...please help?
U done a mistake buddy, dont wory sit n talk..
You have to understand that he is really hurt and give him some time. Let him know that you love him and you are truly sorry for what you did but at the same time, tell him to understand that if he is going to treat you this way for the rest of the time, then you will not put up with it as well. Eventually he will have to get over it in order for you guys to move on or else you guys will always have to deal with this and your relationship will go no where else.
Wow, you've learned you can't put the genie back in the bottle. But you didn't tell what let up to the one nighter, how he found out or who it was. Thiese things can matter.



At this point you did it, he knows and it is history...maybe for good and maybe until the next time.



But he is hurt and to some extent feels like he needs to know the 'why' behind it. That is what is driving his comments. It is gross but he needs the DETAILS and them all. He needs to know what you were thinking before, during and after. He needs to know what exactly you did step by step.



It is eating him alive. The million questions. The thousand worries. He is thinking things like 'was he better than me' and 'did she do things with him she won't with me'. All very selfish thoughts that are driven by what you did.



So really stop and decide can you tell him every thing that crossed you mind and body, every act, and answer questions. If you can't then just tell the poor guy you screwed up and can't fix it so let's just move on.



Now every time he makes love to you he will be looking down and thinking 'did she do that for him'. That is the special he thinks you shared.



I can tell you this as someone who lost someone and then got her back over 20 years ago. We broke up and got back so there was no cheating but there were others there and to this day I can become meloncoly thinking of them.
Hell you were used face it, but its part your fault, you need to study a mate a little better.
It averages two years to repair broken trust. In that time, you will apologize a million times. You have to look him in the eye everytime he makes one of those comments and say "Im so sorry I hurt you" or let you down or failed as a wife, but I know I want to be with you always and ill do whatever it takes to fix this.

He has to hear that a million zillion times till he can believe it and feel it with his soul.

He loves you or he would of left all ready. But your right he is broken and hurt.

If the internet was involved in your "affair" get rid of it. Get email accounts in both names so he can see you arent cheating. Let him be the one to delete your cell phone messages. Sure it sucks, and it shouldnt be that way, but you created this mess an d these are ways to pay for it and earn trust back.

Go to therapy and find out what was missing. It could be something from your childhood or something from your personality or from your relationship...b.ut there is some reason you felt you had to go outside your vows. You have to find it and deal with it.

Good luck hon. It wont be easy. But it will be worth it. Go see the movie Fireproof. Even if you arent christian you can overlook the religious parts and get something out of th emovie. Go together. Explore these sights:
So which is it?

Yesterday you said he was violent and you were afraid of him. I felt sorry for you, since I have a sister that was the victim of abuse from her spouse for 17 years.

Seems you change your story weekly.



Here are some pieces of your other posts....





I'm 29 and my partner is 36, we have been together for 3 years and we are very happy and own a house together.

He already had 2 children aged 6 and 4 whom I love dearly. He had a vasectomy 3.5 years ago and it has obviously failed as I am pregnant. he knows it is definately his.

For a living we own stables and I operate a full livery service. When we found out I was pregnant we talked it through, and I said obviously I would have to give up breaking horses inHe said there was no way I was giving up breaking them in, as we needed the money to pay for the mortgage



My partner and I have been together for two years. Its been rocky, but I absolutely love him with all my heart. Then a few weeks ago I met somebody and we laughed and talked together and went out (as friends) but we did end up having sex.



I am very, very ashamed of myself and you all have every right to be judgemental. I had a 2 week fling with somebody and told my partner as I felt very, very guilty.



I have been with my partner for two years. I work in a pub for extra cash at weekends, and ended up having a one night stand with the barman there. I am very, deeply ashamed of myself.

I wrote it off, then found out I was actually pregnant.I told my partner, and when he reacted so badly, I had an abortian. He has become violant since this, although no actual slapping or punching, he has knocked me around and bruised me, so i'm terrified of saying the wrong thing.



I'm scared of saying the wrong thing because I don't want to lose him, and I am disgusted with myself
You'll never make that hurt go away. There's nothing you can say to a man to do that. The best thing for you to do is give him the gift of getting gone- and learn from your mistake. Maybe the next time you won't be so stupid. Good luck!
ask yourself why you did it. Were you bored?? Is your sex life predictable? Have your feelings changed? Explore every angle. In this you may even realise that the r/s has reached the end of the road- hopefully not though but by asking questions and exploring how it's affected him you'll really learn. Hope this helps.